Autism Awareness is a term that makes me smile. Every time I hear that said it makes me think about my wife's coffee cup. Some years ago we were in a Bed, Bath, and Beyond store and saw a large Tervis tumbler that was on sale. It had a multi-colored puzzle piece and said "Autism Aware" instead of what it was probably supposed to say, which we believe was "Autism Awareness". We laugh whenever she uses it and find ourselves saying "boy are we aware of autism". We, like many families in our community, have a child that has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder(ASD). These families are much like your own but are tasked with living in the Kingdom of Autism along with the everyday world that everyone else lives in.
Let me tell you a few things about the Kingdom of Autism. It is simultaneously one of the most amazing and magical places you can imagine while also occasionally being a place of great hardship. There are things that happen in this kingdom that boggle the mind, bringing tears of joy, but there are days of extreme sadness as well. In this article, I want to give you some guidelines to help you if you find yourself wandering into this kingdom. Consider this your travel guide. It will help you enjoy your visit and not bring any undue problems to the citizens of this noble land. Autism is extremely different for different individuals and families, so bear in mind that these are guidelines that are general and somewhat anecdotal. They may help you, but the best way to understand the citizens of this great kingdom is to interact with them in a caring way and find out how they and their families do things.
Be Prepared for the Unexpected
For some this may mean that there could be a very loud noise that escapes their lips suddenly. For others (such as my family), there may be some brutal honesty that seems harsh but is not meant to injure or insult. Many autistic individuals have trouble with impulse control, sensory issues, and understanding social norms and cues. This can lead to some interesting situations. Be prepared to roll with the punches, and probably have a good laugh with the family about it at some point in the future. Laughing at individuals dealing with autism is obviously cruel, but laughing with them and their families is usually good medicine.
Be Persistent
Have you recently made friends in church or at work with a family that lives with ASD? If you are going to be a real friend to this family you are going to have to be persistent. They need good friends, but they have also had many people come and go in their lives because of the ups and downs of ASD. This is because, as a family, they may not be able to participate in certain things. They may have to come late, leave early, and bring special food just to be part of an event for a short period of time. It may make more sense for gatherings to be at their house because the opportunity for meltdowns is less. These types of things and so much more can put a strain on friendships over time. However, I know if you persevere these families will be a blessing in your life in a way you probably cannot imagine. If you become a preferred visitor in their piece of the Kingdom of Autism you will get a front-row seat to much more of the magic than the casual tourist.
Let Kindness and Dignity Be Your Guides
If you have read this far, I am assuming you know, love, or want to know better an individual or family living with ASD. This last guideline is the grease that will make the gears turn more smoothly as you journey into the Kingdom of Autism. Always be kind and keep dignity at the forefront of your mind. People with ASD are all different in their cognitive and physical levels. Some have extreme struggles, while others are extremely gifted. Usually, it is some interesting combination of both. Do your best to treat individuals with ASD in age-appropriate ways. This includes the tone and content of your speech, as well as things like autonomy. For example, ask the 15-year-old what they want to eat instead of their parent. I promise you if they ask for something that they cannot or should not have their parent will make it clear. Treat them as you would other friends and acquaintances, and not as some strange creatures to be deciphered.
Autism is a hard thing, but it is also a beautiful thing. It is my hope and prayer that this travel guide for the Kingdom of Autism has been a help, and has piqued your curiosity enough that you might visit and explore the beauty of the unique landscape. Remember, these are general tips and helps. They are not an attempt to speak for every individual or family dealing with ASD. Dive into relationships with these families and become a real friend and support. Your love, perseverance, and sincerity could make an unimaginable difference in their life, but also in yours.
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